Must Lose Weight.

My daughter is turning 3 months' old tomorrow and I'm happy how she turned out to be a happy, healthy baby.  Really so happy with that.  With all the challenges I've overcome in the last three months, I'm quite proud of myself (and my husband of course).  The journey is definitely still on, but I'm in a place where I now think I need to do something about myself.  I must lose weight.  As I've been breastfeeding exclusively, I know I could not go into crash diet mode, which I've proven as effective several times in the past. So what I will do, is to gradually lose weight - starting with eating healthy and doing a little bit more walking.  I have yet to gather the guts to go out alone with my daughter as I'm used to the security I have with my husband being beside me all the time.  I think I'll start by going to the park tomorrow.

I hope I get through the end of this post...

Why hello, blogger!  Yes, I'm still alive and glad to be since I've never been so exhausted in my life for the past two months - and counting.  If you're one of the few who've been following my posts, well... our little angel has finally arrived!  Our baby was already overdue by a little more than a week, and after our final ultrasound, it was found out that she was a whopping 10-pounder baby!  So... after 10 seconds of convincing by our doctor (ha!), little Madi said "hello world" on Maundy Thursday, March 28th, at 3 o'clock in the afternoon.  She came out 9 lbs 10 oz and oh so perfect (why, of course).  Our doctor called her "Pudgy". :-) Yup, I had C-section which I thought was such a blessing for my fearful, low-pain-tolerance self, but it turned out to be even worse during recovery.  I'm so glad I that's all behind me now.  Alleluia!

Our baby is now on her 3rd month.  And now as I type this, she started crying... I guess my post title didn't hold up.

Unicorns, rainbows, and all those cutesy stuff all day long are pure myth.  Having a baby is hard work, but it's also true that it will be worth every sleepless night, headache, breastfeeding scab, and tear (lots of them) once your baby starts smiling and cooing and just being her healthy happy self.  Even the thought of her being all ours already puts a smile to my face every 15 minutes or so... then she cries and my heart beats a little faster.  Great, what does she want now?  I just fed her 15 minutes ago.  Did she get enough breast milk?  Do I have enough breast milk? These are just few questions that run through my tired brain 24X7.  And speaking of breast milk, breast feeding is one big battle altogether.  I almost gave up the first week, especially when Madi lost a lot of weight.  Thank God for friends and family who cheered me on and gave me hope that IT DOES GET BETTER.  And after the third pedia visit, which by the way was always nerve-wracking for me, Madi finally gained back her birth weight -- plus more.  I almost did a happy dance in front of the nurse.

Our world practically revolves around Madi - she always comes first.  Gone are the days we have peaceful uninterrupted meals and spur-of-the moment movie nights.  We don't have schedules now - they're never followed anyway.  I don't shop 'til I drop anymore (hurray for hubby).  Forever 21 was erased from my list of top sites - it was replaced by Zulily (a mother and baby shopping site).  Okay, so I take back what I said about me not shopping!  It's a different kind of high getting cute stuff and deals for my baby.  So it's still fun.

I can go on and on about my experiences being a first time mom, but one thing's for sure... you can never be prepared for it.  I knew it will be hard, but I never thought it would be this HARD.  Coupled with post partum depression and recovering from surgery, I found myself sobbing every day during the first few weeks.  No amount of help and encouragement from my mom or my hubby can stop the emotional toil and physical pain of taking care of a newborn.  Self doubt, exhaustion, and my own innocent little baby were my nemeses.  Yes, my baby.  Having to deal with her limitless and sometimes inexplicable cries is SCARY.  Checking if she's still breathing every few minutes during nap time is still a habit of mine - thanks to my fear  of SIDS.

I am very lucky though that Madi has such a wonderful father.  My dear husband has exceeded all my expectations.  He's hands on, and so much in love with his little girl.  He's better at swaddling and putting her to sleep - I've conceded since day one.  Oh, and Madi looks just like him!  I've conceded as well!  I can just imagine how our daughter would grow up to be a Daddy's girl, and I am totally fine with that. :-) As long as he lets me dress up Madi in whatever way I want!  At least until she's old enough to impose her choice of outfit and accessories... so I got a few years...

I still have so much more to learn and go through in this new phase in my life.  Motherhood brought out the worst, then the best of me.  Just look at that smile - it's all worth it!

Preparing for Madi: Almost There!

Madi's Crib Mobile & Changing Pad...

(thank you to her titas and titos)

Her first playmates...

Her little wardrobe...

(Hers looks more fashionable than mine now, hmmmm)

Hand me down swing from Kuya Eli and girly blankets...

Her first car seat, also from Kuya Eli... "girlified"!  This will be her first "ride".

At 38.5 weeks, I'm ready to pop... life can't get more exciting than that.  How I love preparing our little home for our daughter.  Can't wait 'til I see your face little one...

A shower for Baby Madi

At last, here finally are photos from the Baby Shower held last February 16.  My dear friends organized this event (with my inputs of course as I couldn't help it) and it turned out a-m-a-z-i-n-g.  Not that it's my own, but I really thought this was the best shower I've been to! :-) The theme?  Sugar & Spice and Everything Nice, that's what Baby Madison is made of...

The Candy Buffet courtesy of my BFF, Czar

Love, love, love the diaper carriage, courtesy of Janice and Donna

Pink and Blue Lemonade with customized mason jars as lemonade containers.  You can actually write on the lid so you don't (unintentionally) share your drink!

Customized coffee and hot choco sleeves

Small table centerpiece topper

Food, food, food - the smores buffet was a hit!

My super adorable cake with matching cake pops!

Arts & Crafts section...

Games, games, and more games... we had so much fun.

My closest friends who flew, drove from different parts of the USA!

Tired, but super happy and grateful mommy and daddy.  We'll never forget this day.